How to effectively coach yourself in pickleball

Tony Roig

Contributor

Last Edited

Nov 12 2025

How positive self-talk can make a difference

As we play, we are navigating the game, strategically and mechanically. Are we hitting from a stable foundation? Are we maybe pressing too much on our shots? Should we change our approach?

As you work through the challenges that pickleball presents, speak to yourself in the same voice that you would expect from a coach. Imagine a coach who said to you “what are you doing? Are you dumb or something?”

My guess (and certainly hope) is that you would no longer be working with that coach. It is equally unacceptable for you – as your own coach – to use that tone. Or to use any words that you would not accept from another person as your coach.

To the contrary, we should expect more understanding from ourselves. We know the demons that lurk inside our minds. We know the preoccupations in our life outside the pickleball court. We know that we are doing our best.

As you coach yourself, remember that your student is not perfect. Remember to use language that will motivate and inspire your student. And, whatever else you do, avoid tearing your student down.

My friend and co-coach, CJ Johnson, cuts to the quick of negative self-talk with this one question: “If I spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would we still be friends?”

It is worth taking a moment to ponder that. Do you speak to yourself in a way that you would welcome, or even tolerate, from another person? Would you be friends with this person who spoke to you this way?

If you speak to yourself in an unfriendly way, I have good news for you: you are in the best position to put an end to the negative vibes you are giving yourself. You will do this by applying the same two principles you would apply if you were speaking with your friend who was going through a hard time: empathy and compassion.

Empathy can be broadly defined as putting yourself in the shoes of another. You seek to understand what another person is feeling and their point of view.

Compassion is taking action to help the other person. It can take the form of kindness, support, or whatever you think the other person needs to help them. There are two steps to help you display compassion:

1. Seek to understand what the other person is experiencing.

2. Take action to help as best you can.

Let’s turn these inward. Empathy here is straightforward. You know how you are feeling. And you know your own point of view. What we lack, then, toward ourselves, is compassion.

What step can we take to help ourselves? How can we be a better friend – to our own self? No matter what, you cannot outrun yourself. You will always be there, right next to you. An improved relationship – if it is to come – will have to come from within.

There is simply no other way. There are at least four different ways you can go about this. Use the one that most resonates with you – all will help you move toward taking a healthier tone with yourself. At a minimum, you will better recognize when you are going sideways in your relationship with you.

4 ways to prevent negative self-talk

The Questioner: With this approach you question yourself: “Do you really want to say that?” It is the way you may speak to a younger child who you want to nudge back into a more constructive line of thought or speech. This approach is the lightest. As long as it gets you to “No, that is not what I want to say” it may be enough to get you off the negative track.

The Conciliator: This approach requires a bit of back and forth. You think “You are so bad” after you miss a shot. Your conciliator would then say “Are you really that bad? Just because you missed that shot? You also made 7 good shots before that one.” The conciliator goes a bit further than the questioner to convince you that you are, in fact, not that bad. It is like having your own legal eagle on call in your mind.

The Advocate: The advocate is a bit stronger yet. While the conciliator asks and suggests, the advocate makes the case. Continuing the “You are so bad” example, rather than exploring it, the advocate would respond with “That’s silly. You know you are not a bad player. Stop beating yourself up.” It is a bit of a harder line, but perhaps we need it sometimes.

The Bully’s Bully: This is the harshest of the 4 approaches. Here you fight fire with fire. You bully yourself by saying “You are so bad.” Your bully’s bully then jumps into the fray with “You are an idiot. You know you’re not so bad. Stop saying that.” While this last one may not be a long-term solution, it can work short term and should end with a smile on your face as you say to yourself “Yeah – that’s true.”

To be clear, the above are not substitutes for long-term off-court work you will put in. You want to continue to more positively reframe the self-concepts that undergird your relationship with pickleball. The better you do that, the less you will need these in-the-moment interventions.

Tony Roig is a nationally-recognized coach, Sr. Pro Player, developer of “Respect the X” on the In2Pickle YouTube channel, and the voice behind the Pickleball Therapy podcast. Visit BetterPickleball.com for information on coaching from Tony and the BP team through their Camps, Academy, and No. 1 online training program: The Pickleball System.

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